Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
