; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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