What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
