Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
