Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
