that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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