You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
