i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize