you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
