No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
