She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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