I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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