she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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