You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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