I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
