dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
