was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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