I skipped work to stalk him.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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