i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't deserve a penis
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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