Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
