2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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