Duck Duck Cougar?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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