I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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