walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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