Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
