I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
