New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
