butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
