You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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