I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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