no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
