Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we have pet lesbian snakes
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
