Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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