The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
