community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
