dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
