I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
