let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
