So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
