I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
