That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
