Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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