I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
