Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
