How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize