I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
