guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize