Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
