Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
