i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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