I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
