Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You can't motorboat a personality
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize