i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
