A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
