Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
