i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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