I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
