also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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