Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
