If that was your dad, he is hot
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
