I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
