1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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