tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
