I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
