well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
