Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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