Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
