I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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