How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
