I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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