Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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