i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
