My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
