i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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